It's finally over!

I survived the christmas season this year. People fighting over the cheap stuff they are going to bring back anyway. I havent been to work in a few days (thanx to the evil foot doctor......AGAIN), it will be fun tonite :-\

Parking lot salesmen....

So it seems lately that everytime I'm getting out/in my car in a random parking lot in the area, i'm being approached to buy perfume. This bootleg perfume has been around for years. I remember way back one day I tried it for about two hours and said the hell with it. Well it seems that they are back and they are back in full force! I went to the Walmart Neighborhood Market....they were there when I got out. I walked over to Big Lots, then to Family Dollar, and each time there was a different person approaching me...."excuse me, do you wear perfume?"...."No I'm allergic...."...."well our perfume is blah blah wont irritate blah blah...." no excuse I give them works. The last person that approached me again today, I told him I dont wear perfume, it's against my religion to not be funky all day long, altho I did have body wash in my bag.

These perfumes they sell is the cheap alternatives. "If you like this, you'll LOVE this" type stuff. They are riding around like mexicans packed in the car trying to sell this stuff. One night last week I'm walking into work, and a lady pulling out of the parking lot almost ran my ass over trying to sell to me. She then saw my shirt and my badge and I cut her off before she even got started. "No, I dont want none of that shit, I dont care how good it is, and to get off the fucking property before I get the little old man in the security car to handle you, and he's an ornery old bastard....." Needless to say I havent seen them in that parking lot anymore lol

Wow, new life is AWESOME!!

So today was a slow day, last day of my week-long vacation. I get home and my friend/co-worker/neighbor is finally having contractions, after being a week past her due date. I'm excited, I was getting tired of people asking me three times a day if she had the baby. So me her and the pappy head off to the hospital around midnite. She's 6 centimeters, so we start taking bets on what time the little one will be arriving. I say 4 am from the start, he says like 9am or so. few hours later she's 8 cm. they go ahead and break her water, it's about 3am. I'm thinking "i'm gonna win the bet". Well at about 3:25am, the nurse notices the monitor thing is acting up. either the little one is pissed cause her water is gone, or she's ready. doc checks her, she's fully dialated, it's time!! Mind you, I'm like "i'll stand over there" pointing to an area outside the room, but he talked me into staying, so I positioned myself near her like a coach or something. I havent had any kids yet, i'm not ready to see something messy. But geesus, she didn't give us time to decide!!

Two or three pushes and 10 minutes later we have 6 pounds 13 ounces of beautiful baby girl. I know the baby's name, but I dont know how to pronounce it let alone spell it. But man, I almost cried when I saw it. I had an experience I wasnt expecting to be witness to, but damn it was awesome to be there!

Here we go again....

Just when we thought we had escaped one this year........ 

Dealing with the needle

A few weeks ago I had to leave work early because of the massive headache that was taking over and go get checked out in the ER. My blood pressure was very high, and so was my blood sugar. They gave me a pill to lower my pressure then sent me on my way. My sugar levels bothered me so I scheduled to see the doctor this past Friday. Anytime I goto the doctor I go early, and don't eat anything past midnite the night before so I can get a fasting blood sugar. Well, after almost 12 hours of not eating, my sugar was still 427. I had the threat the last time I saw her, so I knew what she was gonna say: time to put me on insulin :-( I knew it was coming, so I didnt argue, but when I paid for the insulin, needles, etc, my wallet definitely wanted to argue!! I'm glad they dont have me on the regular needle/syringe. That made me feel like a junkie or something, so I have what I think they call a pen needle thingy. As long as the needle doesnt hurt going in.....

So now it's four days later, and I'm still having to get used it. I guess having a sugar level of 300+ all the time I was used to the unhealthy way. I've emptied my kitchen of things I don't need: the 10 pound bag of sugar my brother bought before his quick exit of my home, the 2 liter sodas, bucket of ice cream (grrr), stuff that now have skull and crossbones on the front. Now it's Crystal light....which isnt all that bad, and my box of blue packets of sugar substitute. Now I have to get into reading labels too. What fun. I even went so far as to get my ass kicked in raquetball with my brother. This was Sunday, and today I'm still sore. I'm warmed up now, next time i'm kicking HIS ass!! I'll let you all know so you can visit me in the hospital afterwards.....

this might be goodbye

just in case those that care, this might be the last time you see/hear from me for a while...if at all. nothin can describe what i am experiencing, it is way too much for me to bear. my heart is weak, my soul is leaving and my mind is lost. I cant stand to take any more punishment I have gone thru in recent memory, its just not fair. i've done all i can to do right, live right and have hope. i dont know if its bad luck or some curse, it's just not fair. To those that have been friends to me, bless you all.

oh HELL nah!!!!

So my brother and his lady are still here. Things are worked out and they plan to be out in a few days. Well, I think that might change in a jiffy.

I am really paranoid about my computer and all, i dont visit iffy sights, etc. The first thing i do when I get in from work is check my email. Well, there are two new icons on the desktop....poker icons. I open task manager and what do I find? two suspicious files, and KAZAA!!!! I open up IE and have three new toolbars. Now a full security scan is underway, Lord knows what I'm infected with, and I'm pissed. I've gotten over them eating my food, I've gotten over her leaving her bra and panties on my bathroom sink, but to fuck up my computer?? OH HELL NAH!!!!!

Update: the findings....

MySearch
Altnet
Toolbar.404search
Need2find
VX2
AllnetBDE
some overdrive file or something for MTV

i'm about to break.....

this is one nasty slob b*tch my brother goes out with. this isnt some f*cking fleabag motel. Don't leave your f*cking dirty bra and panties in my f*cking bathroom!!!!!!!!!!!!! You nasty b*tch!!!! When i leave for work tonite, you will not be in my house. So sorry!! >:-|

Why I dont like family staying over...

I have a family member that is staying over (supposedly a few days) cause they moved away from the landlord from hell. they stayed in a hotel a few days and now is at my house. I love my family and all, but I hate how they have no regard for you place and everything in it:

so they sort of show up yesterday and hang out. his girlfriend is also with him. I have nothing against her,sweet girl and all, but this is a time where she should be with her family IMO. Not to mention, a woman coming in another woman's house and using her toiletries isnt a good thing, you should have your own soap, shampoo, etc. So I goto work lastnite and all, they were cooking, he likes to cook and she was about to mop the floor and asked me if i had bleach. So I wasnt feeling too well this morning and left work an hour early. First problem I have is the A/C is on full blast. I just made the revelation that the A/C is the prime factor for my electric bill being extremely high. I turned it off before I left, it was cool in the house and was breezy outside. That instantly struck a nerve, i turned it off, hell they have my fan!! I goto the kitchen to make some choco milk...kitchen full of dishes they used the night before. A definite no-no in my house. I might not clean up but I don't leave dirty dishes. The sponge mop is left in the bucket of dirty bleach water. I goto ring it out and it falls apart in my hands. Thanx. So I spend about an hour cleaning up the kitchen and put on my grocery list that I need a new mop.

I'm sitting here now, wanting to watch television, but to my surprise they are still asleep on my couch and the floor in the front room. Ummm, didn't you have to work today? It's 1pm for fucks sake!

They know my money is terribly limited, I buy myself enough food to last a few days, I don't have anything now. He's using my cellphone like a landline, not cool (and this is after having it on the charger or in my purse, he just uses it, makes like 8 calls in a row). I love my family dearly, but it can make things real ugly when you do stuff like this. I'm already struggling, dont add to my problems.

And to think, I never really said yes they can come on over. I'll try to the end of the week, but after that they must move on.

I"m now officially in heaven

I am currently downloading a large file, speeds are better than usual, but of course I can only download as fast as the server will send it to me, but here's my speedtest with the d/l going:

running 10s outbound test (client to server) . . . . . 1.10Mb/s
running 10s inbound test (server to client) . . . . . . 13.79Mb/s
The slowest link in the end-to-end path is a 10 Mbps Ethernet subnet

While not downloading it's even better

running 10s outbound test (client to server) . . . . . 1.20Mb/s
running 10s inbound test (server to client) . . . . . . 15.13Mb/s
The slowest link in the end-to-end path is a 10 Mbps Ethernet subnet

I have to work tonite and should be asleep, but how can I think about sleep right now? lol

He's here!!!!

THE FIBER GUY IS HERE!! THE FIBER GUY IS HERE!! THE FIBER GUY IS HERE!!

babbling....

So the gas prices are doing alot of ugly things these days. I personally thing there's a nationwide price gouge from the opportunists trying to make some money. Even read a local report that some stores are claiming to be out of regular gas (or even mid) and only selling premium, and actually have regular to sell, something about waiting for it to reach $3.50. I've usually noticed that gas stations in a part of town basically had the same price, with a variance of no more than, say, a dime. Now, stores across the streets from each other seem to vary more like a quarter or so (one store even has a 60 cent difference from a neighboring store!!).

lastnite i noticed alot of people buying gas containers. One customer was telling me how people are fighting at some places. One thing I expected to happen was alot of rampant gas drive offs. some stores are at least getting smart and doing "prepay only" all the time. I also noticed customers buying locking gas caps, because people are now stealing the gas right out of your car. this shit is getting crazy

I just got raped....

....but i'm fine. Went to the gas station and the sign said $2.77, said that lastnite when i went to work. Got off this morning running on fumes, and the guy "didnt have time to change the sign"....the pump said $2.88 when I was pumping. I'm hurting. I only had $5 on me and left my checkcard at home, so now I have a little over a gallon to replace the fumes :-( guess it's time to check the buspass rates as a backup plan

I've died.....

...and gone happily to heaven. I'm getting Fiber in about two weeks. that is all. (a bit of good luck for a change)

Well, looks like the holiday/vacation is over. Nothing is steering this one away from us. Luckily it got its act together a little late and wont be that strong, at best, the weathermen are talking a rainy weekend. And I live in an area where alot of spots here and there flood easily from a good 20 minute storm. This should be interesting :-\ 

What just happened here?

I swear there must be an evil omen in my life lately, nothing but bad luck and bad things the last two weeks, and it's only getting worse. I wake up this morning to find my 21" monitor has gone awry. Display totally screwed up, tried what I could, no go. So now i'm on the 17" from my other computer. Then my brother's computer that was all ready to go, for some reason, reaches a blue screen stop error on boot. It's been powered off for a few days, so I dont know what the deal is on that. No reason at all. I'm scared to even get in my car and do my business, it might not crank today (being the battery is almost gone).

I see I'm about to reach my point of just losing it completely. I don't need this at all :-(

my n00b computer using friends and family

I have a few friends with computers. Any time there is a problem, I'm getting a phone call. Perhaps it might be the full moon, but I've spent my time this weekend fixing just about all of them.

My brother's girlfriend has a fairly new computer. This is my first time fixing their computer. She said it became very slow after she got DSL. Her AV hasnt been updated since March and she had no firewall, i wonder why it's so slow. I have a thread over on dslreports that has a couple of logs and a screenshot attached. Interesting case, but all is well now.

The hard-headed one, that likes to disable firewalls because it blocks them from going to some sites. I had to explain to him the firewall is doing it's job and the site you are trying to visit is not a safe place to go. He was hell-bent on going to that site and he got pwnd for it. Well he calls me yesterday because he just has to bring me the computer. Then he gets mad because he calls me 3 hours later after i've gone to sleep and thinks I'm avoiding him. I work the night shift people, when you call me at 4pm it's like calling me at 4am. Geesh. It seems i'm having to re-install all the security apps AGAIN since the viruses have totally phucked them up, and uninstall Kazaa again because they simply wont let it go. Perhaps the RIAA needs to come knocking on their $250,000 door to get them to leave it alone.

Then this morning I got one that takes the cake. A friend of mine works in a little record store. I've maintained their computers for about 4 years now. One of their computers took a dump for some reason, ntldr file was missing. This computer has XP. I was asleep all day on Saturday, sorry, couldnt help it, i was dead tired. So instead of getting the computer to me like I asked, the girl that works there decided to get some guy she knows to try and fix it. Know what he does? He brings a Windows 2000 cd, for a computer running XP, and tries to do....God knows what. I get there this morning and attempt to use the Recovery Console and notice 2000. wtf? this computer doesnt run 2000!! While in the recovery console, I do a "dir" on both the C: and D: drive. D: drive has everything there, but the C: drive is empty. So her friend essentially wiped the drive and now all of their work on C: drive is all but a memory. Maybe this time they will act on what I've been telling them all along about backing up their files.

This, my friends, is why I dont' fix computers for my family and friends for free. They are making me work too hard for free!!

Things that really annoy me

I've realized that there are alot of things that annoy me. Some of the things that annoy me has caused me to be more annoyed at things that annoy me. I'm just.....annoyed!

• My cat. She annoys me more and more everyday. Ok she's cute and all, but i'm run out of things to throw at her. For example, I live alone. Typically, when I go to tinkle, I sort of just walk in and do my thing, and the door is usually open (yea, I've forgotten to close the door when I've had company lol). Every single time, she will follow me in the bathroom, every since she was a kitty. I quickly got her out of that, so now, when i'm sitting there doing what I do, she will sit in the doorway. I throw things, so now she will like peek around the corner. Irritating as hell!! And no matter where in the house I go, she just has to follow me. In fact, she's sitting a few inches from me right now. If I go in the living room, she'd there. Something else she does that annoys me is when she eats her food, she turns into a little kid and sort of plays with her food. She will dip her hand in the bowl and knock a few bits out on the floor and proceed to eat it. So when I come in the kitchen in the middle of the night (or day in my case), there's a bowl in the middle of the floor that I usually end up accidentally kicking to the other side of the kitchen. Then there's the litter box. I don't know what in the hell kind of business she's doing, but i'm sick of sweeping up shit balls that she's kicked out of the box. Her asshole much stretch alot because those shit balls are huge. At least she doesn't jump on top of the aquarium like she use to. Maybe the purple Zumbah is doing it's job. And no more jumping in the window sill at night. I guess the baby oil gel I spread up there makes her mad when she slips and falls down the wall lol.
  


• My job. Actually it's really not the job, but it's really....you guessed it, CUSTOMERS. Understand, if it wasnt for the (shitty) customers that come thru those doors, we wouldnt have business. But sometimes I have to rationalize, do I really want the customer to come in and do something stupid? We have deranged men come in, break vending machines, break locked doors and destroy half the front end because...well I dont know what his problem was. Or the customers that think I'm some stupid girl that doesn't notice that $100 bill with the running ink on the back and that feels like paper is as fake as a $4 bill. "Oh, i've had that in my pocket like forever". Yea whatever, next time let the ink dry first, kthnx. Or the customer that's in the store for 10 minutes, made one quick sweep of the store literally throwing things in the buggy to the tune of about $600, and expect that check to go thru. MMmmmmmmkkk. Oh and you silly tilly, that's not a car battery, unless you are driving a lawn mower! Pay attention when you are trying to score with that stolen check/empty bank account. Do you not realize when you write checks we take the money out of the account right then like a debit card? It's called technology (and this company wanting all your money right away)
  


• Bill collectors. This one will be quick. When you called me yesterday, I didn't have the money. When you called last week I didn't have the money. When you called every week before that I didnt have the money. The bill earned a spot on my credit report over three years ago...cause I didn't have the money. If I had the money or was making the money, you wouldnt be blowing up my phone. I'll save you the trouble, unless I hit the numbers I wont have the money next week. The place I call Hell doesnt pay me enough to pay anything other than the bare necessities I have right now. Leave me alone.
  


• Lastly, there's family. Lord knows I'm the one person that cares TOO much for family. I've called my grandma everyday for like the last 20 years, and if she doesn't answer the phone, I'm dropping everything to go over there to see if something happened to her. When I have, I share. Sometimes family doesnt care if you are struggling. Certain people just want you to "hook them up" for free because they're family. I work the graveyard, you know I sleep during the day. When I dont answer the door or the phone.....I'M ASLEEP!!! Leave me the f*ck alone while i'm asleep. I'm not fixing that piece of shit computer that I told you two years ago needed some major upgrading/repairing. Would you like if I blew up your phone or busted on your door at 3am? What you are doing is the equivalent.
  


• Oh, and one more, programming. I just hate when my code doesnt work and it takes me forever to figure out I didnt close a tag or make a typo in a keyword. GRRRR!!!
  

You know what, I don't feel so annoyed anymore :-)

Say hello to Brutus

This is Brutus. Brutus is a moonlight gourami (sometimes called platinum gourami). He's a fish silver in color with these long whisker things. Brutus is mean. I also have a few other fish, one of which is a Bala Shark. Brutus thinks the whole 30 gallons of tank belongs to him and him only. He likes to chase the other fish sometimes and taunt them with his whiskers, but he loves to terrorize the shark. I don't know why. I was just so quite bored and thought I'd just sit and watch him. Imagine how aggressive he is during fish food time! Oh, and I really love how the profile states that a well planted tank is ideal for this fish. Ideal if he likes to attack all the plants. I love planted tanks, all but one plant he proceeded to pull up from the gravel and snack on grrr!! 

what am i doing wrong?

I swear I don't know how much more bad things I can take in my life. I've driven around town for the last three hours, even crying, trying to figure out what the hell i've done wrong in my life to have all this bad stuff happen to me. I've struggled for four long years, I've tried everything I can think of to get ahead, but it never lasts. I swear I've done everything I can do, but I'm still struggling, but some people simply don't care at all. They still want to make life so much more difficult than it already is and take what little money i am making from me. Just the thought of that devastates me, on top of all the other mental issues I've had to deal with, I'm almost at the point of just saying screw everything and be done with it. You don't know how tired I am of feeling it or having to think about it. I simply can't deal with this anymore

Happy Birthday to me!

Ugh, what's so happy about it. I feel so old, each year it feels worse. I started out by going bowling, so I really cant say I didnt do anything, now I'm home and a bit tipsy, all I had was a shared pitcher of beer heh.

My brother is doing a little bit better, but it's still a struggle (thanks for all the kind comments and emails from you all). It seems like the authorities are sort of blowing things off, he's been trying to call the detective lady for a week and cant seem to get ahold of her. They need to fix his police report but that isnt really important, or catching the bastards that may have permanently f*cked up his vision in his right eye. That just burns my ass!!!

I think I'll get some sleep to see what I can get into for the rest of my day

I'm so f*cking mad!!!

I get a call from my mother at 1am lastnite to tell me someone jumped (attacked) one of my younger brothers Thursday nite. He just got out of his car to go into a restaurant where some friends where, and someone came from behind and knocked him unconscious, took his wallet. I cried for half an hour after that. To think someone would basically leave him for dead. I havent seen him, but i'm told it's not a pretty picture, he's really f*cked up. I could go on a murder spree right now (don't worry, i'm not that stupid, i'm just angry as hell, it's the anger talking). He may have a rough looking exterior, but is liked by everyone and would seriously do anything for you. There's really some cruel people in this world, I seriously can't stand it!!! It's just this mental picture in my head I keep seeing, him lying on the ground, and for how long who knows. His next memory was being in the ambulance. Was someone waiting for him? Someone follow him? Was he even possibly set up? When people do things like this, they can never realize the pain they cause to so many people, this is eating me alive

San Fran hosts 'Masturbate-a-thon'

wtf?!?!

Ok, this is, ummm, disturbing.......or is it?

WTF?!?!?!?!

Ok, you have elderly people that are struggling to get medication (or food for that matter) but sex offenders are getting Viagra????? What the bloody hell is wrong with this system? And you wonder why people get out of jail and do the same crap that put them there in the first place. That's like giving a sniper a damn rifle. You might as well give names and addresses to all the innocent children for these assholes.

And then the headline to the story itself is States may deny the Viagra. WTF is there to decide? HELLLLLOOOOOO I mean, DAMN WTF?!?!?

Lonely day

This morning I dropped Buttercup off at the spay/neuter clinic to get her fixed. She'll get her rabies shot and get a tag too. It couldnt have happened at a better time, because just lastnite she started with that moaning crap again. I must admit I sort of miss yelling at her to stop jumping on the damn aquarium

Lack of sleep makes you stupid....

Or maybe that's just me? So I haven't learned to say no to one of these jobs. This really is killing me, but the extra $$$ is welcome. So the stupid things? Well let's see, I can't type to save my life right now, I've locked the keys in the car twice since Sunday, I forgot to feed the cat one day, i'm doing various stupid things at both jobs. The night job I'm finding interesting ways to sneak naps or basically be missing without anyone actually noticing.....or at least I don't think they notice. I may leave the day job and focus on the night job, or at least I'm going back part-time. If she doesn't agree to that then, oh well. One job is killing me as it is, but I can't go on uncertainty on whether or not you still need my help. We'll see what happens.

Granny isnt feeling well, so {{{hugs}}} to her on getting better. She's still gettin up there!

checkin' in

I've apparently been too busy to talk about the goings on in my life. I recently decided to work a second job. It was part-time at first, but now I work all day there, and come in a couple of hours later at my night job. I don't know how much longer I will do this as i'm always very tired. I was sort of just "helping out", but hell, that office is a disaster. The accounting guy just up and left, but gets pissed when the owner cancelled his medical insurance. Uh, duh. She just called me up, and since the thought of some extra cash was enticing, I accepted the offer. I've found I can't handle two jobs like I used to. Even tho this job pays a little more, I'm worried about stability, and i've been at the other job for almost a couple of years now. Something for me to think about. Hell, I'm falling asleep as I type (took about 10 minutes to type this, i'm just that tired)

toodles for now

Ugh

My foot doctor is evil. A simple task of taking my mother to the foot doctor, I ended up with a painful toe. I can't take my mom to any doctors anymore, this is the second time. So she wants to see what it would look like with her toe without a nail. So I quickly volunteer by kicking off my shoes and showing her. Normally when he removes the nail he deadens the nailbed so the nail wont grow back, but part of my nail apparently did. She questions it, he sees it, "Hmm, it did grow back. I'll fix that today". I'm thinking no problem, he'll get the clippers or that little drill thing to file it down or something. Instead, he grabs two needles and rolls over to me. Oh lawd I know what this means! He jabs my toe to start the numbing process, he's grinning, mom's laughing....but not for long. Her turn was next. I only had one toe, she had three....AND the bone spur on top of her foot. Needless to say she laughed a very short time. But then, payback was on me. I thought it would be cool to watch him do her feet. I've never been weak at the sight of blood, but after seeing him do one toe and thing "interesting", I didnt feel so very well. I just sort of laid back while he did his thing. As long as I didnt feel anything.

So today is the day after, and I'm almost in tears for every step I take. I talked to her, and she isnt even hurting grrrrr. I guess I can fart around at work for a few days. what fun that will be :-\

Terri Schiavo is dead

Finally, now may she be at peace. I'm not watching the news until next week tho....

Read here
and here

Time to get healthy

Today me and my brother went and played raquetball. First time we hit the court together in a few years. I thought I was gonna die on the court, but now that I've come home and cooled off, I feel great! Over the weekend I was thinking alot about my health, how I look, how I feel. And I realized, how I said the beginning of the year I was gonna get my ass in gear, it's almost April! It was a most beautiful day out today, and it was a perfect day for it. According to fitlinxx I burned over 1000 calories, not bad for a first outing. I"m gonna make a committment to doing this daily. Year after year I talk about how nice I wanna look, and yet another year goes by. By this summer, or at least my birthday, I plan to at least be two sizes smaller, at the VERY least. If I stick to it and stay strong, I may be able to do better. I'm gonna commit to it.

I'm also gonna quit smoking. This is gonna be hard, but I have a few things I'm gonna try to help me out, including trying some mint smoking gum. I just realized I could save $100 a month if I quit. Geesus, I could pay another bill with that!

The added benefit to all this is I could save even more money. It could help my diabetes and high blood pressure, and in doing that, I wont have to pay for all the meds I have to take. This is gonna be great, I feel like doing some situps right now!!

Enough of this bullshit!!!

first someone wants Michael Schiavo dead, now the parents are in a last ditch effort, now claiming Terri has tried to talk and supposedly expressed a desire to live.

I'll just say this because the straw just broke. I dont care if Michael Schiavo has moved on with his life. I dont care if the parents want to hold on to her for 13 more years. I dont care if she simply wakes up one day and starts a conversation with the wall and does a dance. I've seen enough and I simply dont give a shit anymore. I think it's a damn shame that this situation has turned into a media circus that it has become. My fucking goodness, people are camping out at the governor's mansion!! i'm sorry, but my tax dollars to the governor can much better spent doing something else..... you got fucking child molesters stealing and killing children, drunk drivers not knowing when to say when. Perhaps I havent followed this from the beginning, but at what point did this become so important that it has to be on the front page of the newspapers every single day and the top news story on the evening news!??!? I'm at the point of where i'm fucking sick of hearing about it day in and day out. This should be a PRIVATE family matter. You have parents letting their kids get arrested because of protests! If you gonna pull the tube, then let her go to the other side IN PEACE AND IN PRIVATE. If you gonna keep reinserting the damn tube, DO IT IN PRIVATE. The whole damn nation does not need to be a part of this, I think she has suffered enough as it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't want to sound like a heartless SOB, but in a way I wish she would just die already. I mean, damn. Who would want to live like that? This has caused for some interesting conversation at home, I've told my mother and brothers, if the doctors tell you there's nothing left, no possible hope left, then they are to have their 5 minutes to say goodbye and to just let me go. No way in hell I could live like that. I'm sure Michael, being married to her and loved her, would know that she wouldnt want to live like this. I'M SICK OF SEEING THIS SHIT EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uhh

dammit blogger, get your act together, know how many times i tried submitting this damn post, or the things i went thru at home thinking my computer was the problem????

It's been a while since I've graced my own blog, just been busy at work, and sleeping. I hate where I work, I really do. If I wasnt the responsible adult that I am, I would have quit a long time ago. For the work I have to do, I am WAY underpaid. I'm still working on a change tho, not as easy as I would like, but I'm working on it.

So I remember having a conversation with someone, how some people pay out so much in taxes thru the year, and only get a fraction of it back, but then there are some that barely work and bring home like $5k on tax time. It's a bitch. Well, how is it that people get these huge checks, and are more concerned with buying cell phones (nevermind the one you already have, instead of paying that damn bill, you just rather fuck it up and just get new service elsewhere...to fuck it up later), digital cameras, big screens, etc, but not pay the rent or the bills? Looks really stupid when you are getting evicted a month after tax refund......(and lets take into consideration that it usually takes 30 days to process an eviction thru the courts, and most places wait at least a month or so before even going to the courts, you add it up). Yea I got a two bedroom, but i'm not taking roomates. OHHH don't get me started on that soapbox.....

Oh well, I guess I'll try to get some sleep and say a prayer before some other drama pops off

Best Ebay thread ever

Sometimes it does not pay when you cheat hahaha. Girl's got some huge ones I'll tell ya that. I wonder how she came to the conclusion he was cheating. What's even worse, what if he wasn't cheating and she is wrong about the whole thing?!?

As you can see I've been up to nothing special hehe.

Toodles until next time..

Ebay is still out of control....

It's bad enough someone would list something like this, but to actually have somone bid on an autographed bible signed by Jesus Himself is sad and funny at the same time.

::shakes head::

This isn't funny anymore......

Now after I went thru a week of moaning and asses in the air, this cat is walking around the house with the moaning again. She isnt doing a "face down ass up" like she was, but the meowing has started again. I dont know if it's the new place I'm in or what. When I scream at her to STFU she will just sort of start rolling around on the floor and purring loudly. She CANT be in heat again??!?!?!? Edit: Oh GEESUS I think she is, and the ass thing. This can't be right??

There's no place like home...

Finally got all moved in. I got boxes all over the house, but my computers are up and running lol. I'm still exhausted, and I'm normally off tonite, but I traded to have off Saturday. I should have not REMINDED my supervisor or I'd be sleep tonite. But I gotta make that money to pay da bills. There's a few job fairs this week that I want to check out. Everything I've wanted to happen so far has been going my way, so I'm happy for that. My new place I like it alot. I have more space. If I picked off all the BeBe kids that run up and down this street then it would be peaceful. As long as they dont be in my yard or mess with my car I'm at peace. I thought being so close to a railroad track would be an issue, but I have yet to even hear a train. If it's that bad I'm sure there would be a story on it.

Toodles...

Moving sux

Dammit, now I remember why I hate moving. The packing, walking up and down the stairs taking shit to the car. I'm exhausted. Well I was, I slept all day basically so I'm pretty rested up. Tomorrow morning I'm supposed to be moving the big stuff, the couch, bed, etc with some help. Which means I'll be without internet cause roadrunner wont be able to come out to the new spot until Monday. I don't know how I will manage to be without internet for that long. I should be busy getting the new place in order so I guess it wont be that bad. I'm just happy to get out of here and away from this dickhead of a landlord.

Moving on...

Things have been so-so lately until today. Not expecting it, but very glad it happened, I got an apartment today. Got my keys and everything. It's still in the ghetto, but I stay in my house when I'm home anyway so I'm not worried (might want to get a club for my car tho). It's a huge 2 bedroom and I even have washer/dryer hookups, which I'm elated about. I guess due to the fact that I rented with this guy like 10 years ago made it work. In any case, I'm blessed and very happy for the change of scenery. On the down side, I'll be packing and moving every chance I get for the rest of the week. If I get like my sofas and bed moved by Friday then that would be good. I cant wait to get away from this jackass of a landlord, man I just cant wait.

There's still hot pussy in the house, but she's calmed down the last day or so. I guess she realizes she's gonna be a virgin lol.

Pussy still on fire

This is by far the wierdest thing I think I've ever experienced in my life. I've kinda always known when animals are in heat, when a pack of like 20 males are following one lonely female. I just didnt know when they meow like that they are longing for some sex. Well, little did I know I was sort of making it worse. So anytime I get ready for bed, she has to jump on the covers so I can pet her and play fight with her for a few minutes and all. Scratching her stomach usually gets her biting me. Well.....this time she's in heaven, just stretching out and loving it. She wont keep still for nothing, just rolling and stuff like she is uncomfortable or something. Well, then, so I'm petting her like normal, rubbing her back, and then she gets down on her front legs, but her back legs are stretched and her ass is in the air. WTF!??!?!?! Does she think I'm a tom or something????? So by this point I"m sitting up in bed, looking at her, she looking at me, meow MEEOOOOOOOOOOWW, and she gets up and turns around, her butt hits my hand, and like OMGWTFBBQ a fucking WET SPOT!! At this point I'm out the bed with the lights on. Only then I realized what I've done, I've been basically committing foreplay on my poor cat, she wants some ass like nobody's business. I'm not petting her for a month, or until I get her fixed.

Take my advice, don't pet your cat when she's in heat.

Hot burning Pussy

Good Lawd have mercy on me. My cat is apparently in heat. She's been "moaning" for two days now and it's driving me out of my fucking mind. I'm trying to rest and get over this bronchitis, and then dealing with her. I know yesterday when I opened the door she darted out there and she's never done that. I'll be damned if she gets with one of these nasty strays I see hanging around here. She keep this up and I'm gonna cool her off....

Good days

It seems I've had some better luck over the last couple of weeks. I finally got my car, so that means everyday I'm taking care of something. I'm doing my normal ritual after getting a car by going and getting this and that fixed/checked. I'll get the window lift motor put in in a couple of days for my front window, and i'll get a brake inspection. Car runs beautifully, no problems. I'm truly blessed. I thought I'd have to pay full price for a brand new plate, but I was able to pay for a duplicate plate, so I saved about $100 there. Saved another $100 for getting the window fixed too. I'm happy right now. Still havent done everything on my list, but I'm still happy, and very blessed (and thankful).

Now if I could just get over this very nasty chest cold I have, I cant breathe sometimes and it's almosy unbearable at times.

Getting better

After having to walk to work and catch the bus everywhere, I finally got me some wheels. I feel like I got my first car. I got off work this morning and drove around for almost an hour in pouring rain, couldnt decide if I should get the oil change or not. Didnt feel like going all across town to do it. Jiffy Lube rapes you just to drain some damn oil. I'm tired, I honestly sometimes feel like they are trying to kill me at work. We get the blame for other non-responsible people and that's bullshit IMO. If things keep going good, then I won't have much more to worry about real soon. I'm tired, I'm gonna take another nap.

Starting off slow...

In my quest on getting this thing started, I've been cleaning today. My computer desk looks like a desk, I can actually see the surface now. I can see the books in the bookshelf too. While I was taking a break, I pondered a possible problem in the future. I've always been the type of person that liked to set goals. Setting and accomplishing goals made me feel like I was getting things done in life. Over the last couple of years it seems not much has worked in my favor. Anything I set out for never really worked out in the end. So now I realized that I'm a little afraid of setting goals. Hmmm, I may need some help on this, a game plan if you will.

This very well may be an interesting year....

Starting a new chapter

I intended to post a closing chapter yesterday, but for no good reason at all I just didnt. In any case, I reflect on what I've been thru in 2004. All I can say it was a long year of struggling. I kept the same job, the same shitty apartment, and the same car that finally went to heaven. I can't complain really, but there was/is alot of times when it really seems like I bottom out and I have to ask "why do i still try to deal with this shit?" Back in the day when I was struggling with things in my head, I'd get in the car and end up on the beach. It was something about being on that open water with the seabreeze that just seemed to put me at peace. I think I will start doing that again when I get back on the road. I've made a few friends in 2004, I became closer to a few of them, I lost a few friends or simply created a distance with some of them that I question if they are truly still my friends. As far as family, well, there's only one person who flows the same blood that I can say is there for me. Even tho this person is doing their best to keep going, they still do for me. For that, i'm eternally grateful and I wish there were words or someting I could do to show my gratitude. I pray I'll have that opportunity. Love you.

With the struggle I've gone thru, at the same time of wondering, I learned a few things on being stronger. I've learned a little about compromise. I've learned little on patience, that still needs work. I've also learned how to trust in faith. It's bleak alot of times, but it helps. I've picked up old habits too. Not really bad ones. I always could be found reading a book. Not so much as computer books (those will always be on the bookshelf), but different things. It's just a way to keep me at ease and not really worry about if things will be better next week.

One thing I plan to do before going back to work this week is "cleaning all the slates". I spend alot of time in front of my computer, and pretty much neglect the rest of the house. I look around and think "i need to clean up" but get instantly tired at the thought. I have many things that I dont need or dont use. Yesterday I filled two large garbage bags full of clothes and dropped them off to the salvation army. My mom suggested that I take them to metropolitan ministries, since they give the clothes to those that need them instead of selling them for profit like the salvation army does. I'll do that next time. (once i clean i hope to move, to make the slate even cleaner). I have a love/hate relationship when it comes to my job, so I've chosen an attitude that I'll love the job for the 8 hours that i'm working, and just dont dwell on it afterwards.

And one more thing....over the years my family has pretty much drifted apart. Everybody sort of does their own thing, but we never really do things 'together' like we used to. For christmas we all weren't together. New years it was always a given that the entire family (included extended) would be together to bring in the new year. I miss those times. This would probably be the hardest thing to do, but I'm gonna see if I can make it happen.

Now I have to turn in to get started on new things, such as getting back to church, which I plan to be at in the morning, so with that, I say goodnite.