Dealing with the needle

A few weeks ago I had to leave work early because of the massive headache that was taking over and go get checked out in the ER. My blood pressure was very high, and so was my blood sugar. They gave me a pill to lower my pressure then sent me on my way. My sugar levels bothered me so I scheduled to see the doctor this past Friday. Anytime I goto the doctor I go early, and don't eat anything past midnite the night before so I can get a fasting blood sugar. Well, after almost 12 hours of not eating, my sugar was still 427. I had the threat the last time I saw her, so I knew what she was gonna say: time to put me on insulin :-( I knew it was coming, so I didnt argue, but when I paid for the insulin, needles, etc, my wallet definitely wanted to argue!! I'm glad they dont have me on the regular needle/syringe. That made me feel like a junkie or something, so I have what I think they call a pen needle thingy. As long as the needle doesnt hurt going in.....

So now it's four days later, and I'm still having to get used it. I guess having a sugar level of 300+ all the time I was used to the unhealthy way. I've emptied my kitchen of things I don't need: the 10 pound bag of sugar my brother bought before his quick exit of my home, the 2 liter sodas, bucket of ice cream (grrr), stuff that now have skull and crossbones on the front. Now it's Crystal light....which isnt all that bad, and my box of blue packets of sugar substitute. Now I have to get into reading labels too. What fun. I even went so far as to get my ass kicked in raquetball with my brother. This was Sunday, and today I'm still sore. I'm warmed up now, next time i'm kicking HIS ass!! I'll let you all know so you can visit me in the hospital afterwards.....

this might be goodbye

just in case those that care, this might be the last time you see/hear from me for a while...if at all. nothin can describe what i am experiencing, it is way too much for me to bear. my heart is weak, my soul is leaving and my mind is lost. I cant stand to take any more punishment I have gone thru in recent memory, its just not fair. i've done all i can to do right, live right and have hope. i dont know if its bad luck or some curse, it's just not fair. To those that have been friends to me, bless you all.

oh HELL nah!!!!

So my brother and his lady are still here. Things are worked out and they plan to be out in a few days. Well, I think that might change in a jiffy.

I am really paranoid about my computer and all, i dont visit iffy sights, etc. The first thing i do when I get in from work is check my email. Well, there are two new icons on the desktop....poker icons. I open task manager and what do I find? two suspicious files, and KAZAA!!!! I open up IE and have three new toolbars. Now a full security scan is underway, Lord knows what I'm infected with, and I'm pissed. I've gotten over them eating my food, I've gotten over her leaving her bra and panties on my bathroom sink, but to fuck up my computer?? OH HELL NAH!!!!!

Update: the findings....

MySearch
Altnet
Toolbar.404search
Need2find
VX2
AllnetBDE
some overdrive file or something for MTV

i'm about to break.....

this is one nasty slob b*tch my brother goes out with. this isnt some f*cking fleabag motel. Don't leave your f*cking dirty bra and panties in my f*cking bathroom!!!!!!!!!!!!! You nasty b*tch!!!! When i leave for work tonite, you will not be in my house. So sorry!! >:-|

Why I dont like family staying over...

I have a family member that is staying over (supposedly a few days) cause they moved away from the landlord from hell. they stayed in a hotel a few days and now is at my house. I love my family and all, but I hate how they have no regard for you place and everything in it:

so they sort of show up yesterday and hang out. his girlfriend is also with him. I have nothing against her,sweet girl and all, but this is a time where she should be with her family IMO. Not to mention, a woman coming in another woman's house and using her toiletries isnt a good thing, you should have your own soap, shampoo, etc. So I goto work lastnite and all, they were cooking, he likes to cook and she was about to mop the floor and asked me if i had bleach. So I wasnt feeling too well this morning and left work an hour early. First problem I have is the A/C is on full blast. I just made the revelation that the A/C is the prime factor for my electric bill being extremely high. I turned it off before I left, it was cool in the house and was breezy outside. That instantly struck a nerve, i turned it off, hell they have my fan!! I goto the kitchen to make some choco milk...kitchen full of dishes they used the night before. A definite no-no in my house. I might not clean up but I don't leave dirty dishes. The sponge mop is left in the bucket of dirty bleach water. I goto ring it out and it falls apart in my hands. Thanx. So I spend about an hour cleaning up the kitchen and put on my grocery list that I need a new mop.

I'm sitting here now, wanting to watch television, but to my surprise they are still asleep on my couch and the floor in the front room. Ummm, didn't you have to work today? It's 1pm for fucks sake!

They know my money is terribly limited, I buy myself enough food to last a few days, I don't have anything now. He's using my cellphone like a landline, not cool (and this is after having it on the charger or in my purse, he just uses it, makes like 8 calls in a row). I love my family dearly, but it can make things real ugly when you do stuff like this. I'm already struggling, dont add to my problems.

And to think, I never really said yes they can come on over. I'll try to the end of the week, but after that they must move on.

I"m now officially in heaven

I am currently downloading a large file, speeds are better than usual, but of course I can only download as fast as the server will send it to me, but here's my speedtest with the d/l going:

running 10s outbound test (client to server) . . . . . 1.10Mb/s
running 10s inbound test (server to client) . . . . . . 13.79Mb/s
The slowest link in the end-to-end path is a 10 Mbps Ethernet subnet

While not downloading it's even better

running 10s outbound test (client to server) . . . . . 1.20Mb/s
running 10s inbound test (server to client) . . . . . . 15.13Mb/s
The slowest link in the end-to-end path is a 10 Mbps Ethernet subnet

I have to work tonite and should be asleep, but how can I think about sleep right now? lol

He's here!!!!

THE FIBER GUY IS HERE!! THE FIBER GUY IS HERE!! THE FIBER GUY IS HERE!!

babbling....

So the gas prices are doing alot of ugly things these days. I personally thing there's a nationwide price gouge from the opportunists trying to make some money. Even read a local report that some stores are claiming to be out of regular gas (or even mid) and only selling premium, and actually have regular to sell, something about waiting for it to reach $3.50. I've usually noticed that gas stations in a part of town basically had the same price, with a variance of no more than, say, a dime. Now, stores across the streets from each other seem to vary more like a quarter or so (one store even has a 60 cent difference from a neighboring store!!).

lastnite i noticed alot of people buying gas containers. One customer was telling me how people are fighting at some places. One thing I expected to happen was alot of rampant gas drive offs. some stores are at least getting smart and doing "prepay only" all the time. I also noticed customers buying locking gas caps, because people are now stealing the gas right out of your car. this shit is getting crazy

I just got raped....

....but i'm fine. Went to the gas station and the sign said $2.77, said that lastnite when i went to work. Got off this morning running on fumes, and the guy "didnt have time to change the sign"....the pump said $2.88 when I was pumping. I'm hurting. I only had $5 on me and left my checkcard at home, so now I have a little over a gallon to replace the fumes :-( guess it's time to check the buspass rates as a backup plan

I've died.....

...and gone happily to heaven. I'm getting Fiber in about two weeks. that is all. (a bit of good luck for a change)

Well, looks like the holiday/vacation is over. Nothing is steering this one away from us. Luckily it got its act together a little late and wont be that strong, at best, the weathermen are talking a rainy weekend. And I live in an area where alot of spots here and there flood easily from a good 20 minute storm. This should be interesting :-\ 

What just happened here?

I swear there must be an evil omen in my life lately, nothing but bad luck and bad things the last two weeks, and it's only getting worse. I wake up this morning to find my 21" monitor has gone awry. Display totally screwed up, tried what I could, no go. So now i'm on the 17" from my other computer. Then my brother's computer that was all ready to go, for some reason, reaches a blue screen stop error on boot. It's been powered off for a few days, so I dont know what the deal is on that. No reason at all. I'm scared to even get in my car and do my business, it might not crank today (being the battery is almost gone).

I see I'm about to reach my point of just losing it completely. I don't need this at all :-(

my n00b computer using friends and family

I have a few friends with computers. Any time there is a problem, I'm getting a phone call. Perhaps it might be the full moon, but I've spent my time this weekend fixing just about all of them.

My brother's girlfriend has a fairly new computer. This is my first time fixing their computer. She said it became very slow after she got DSL. Her AV hasnt been updated since March and she had no firewall, i wonder why it's so slow. I have a thread over on dslreports that has a couple of logs and a screenshot attached. Interesting case, but all is well now.

The hard-headed one, that likes to disable firewalls because it blocks them from going to some sites. I had to explain to him the firewall is doing it's job and the site you are trying to visit is not a safe place to go. He was hell-bent on going to that site and he got pwnd for it. Well he calls me yesterday because he just has to bring me the computer. Then he gets mad because he calls me 3 hours later after i've gone to sleep and thinks I'm avoiding him. I work the night shift people, when you call me at 4pm it's like calling me at 4am. Geesh. It seems i'm having to re-install all the security apps AGAIN since the viruses have totally phucked them up, and uninstall Kazaa again because they simply wont let it go. Perhaps the RIAA needs to come knocking on their $250,000 door to get them to leave it alone.

Then this morning I got one that takes the cake. A friend of mine works in a little record store. I've maintained their computers for about 4 years now. One of their computers took a dump for some reason, ntldr file was missing. This computer has XP. I was asleep all day on Saturday, sorry, couldnt help it, i was dead tired. So instead of getting the computer to me like I asked, the girl that works there decided to get some guy she knows to try and fix it. Know what he does? He brings a Windows 2000 cd, for a computer running XP, and tries to do....God knows what. I get there this morning and attempt to use the Recovery Console and notice 2000. wtf? this computer doesnt run 2000!! While in the recovery console, I do a "dir" on both the C: and D: drive. D: drive has everything there, but the C: drive is empty. So her friend essentially wiped the drive and now all of their work on C: drive is all but a memory. Maybe this time they will act on what I've been telling them all along about backing up their files.

This, my friends, is why I dont' fix computers for my family and friends for free. They are making me work too hard for free!!

Things that really annoy me

I've realized that there are alot of things that annoy me. Some of the things that annoy me has caused me to be more annoyed at things that annoy me. I'm just.....annoyed!

• My cat. She annoys me more and more everyday. Ok she's cute and all, but i'm run out of things to throw at her. For example, I live alone. Typically, when I go to tinkle, I sort of just walk in and do my thing, and the door is usually open (yea, I've forgotten to close the door when I've had company lol). Every single time, she will follow me in the bathroom, every since she was a kitty. I quickly got her out of that, so now, when i'm sitting there doing what I do, she will sit in the doorway. I throw things, so now she will like peek around the corner. Irritating as hell!! And no matter where in the house I go, she just has to follow me. In fact, she's sitting a few inches from me right now. If I go in the living room, she'd there. Something else she does that annoys me is when she eats her food, she turns into a little kid and sort of plays with her food. She will dip her hand in the bowl and knock a few bits out on the floor and proceed to eat it. So when I come in the kitchen in the middle of the night (or day in my case), there's a bowl in the middle of the floor that I usually end up accidentally kicking to the other side of the kitchen. Then there's the litter box. I don't know what in the hell kind of business she's doing, but i'm sick of sweeping up shit balls that she's kicked out of the box. Her asshole much stretch alot because those shit balls are huge. At least she doesn't jump on top of the aquarium like she use to. Maybe the purple Zumbah is doing it's job. And no more jumping in the window sill at night. I guess the baby oil gel I spread up there makes her mad when she slips and falls down the wall lol.
  


• My job. Actually it's really not the job, but it's really....you guessed it, CUSTOMERS. Understand, if it wasnt for the (shitty) customers that come thru those doors, we wouldnt have business. But sometimes I have to rationalize, do I really want the customer to come in and do something stupid? We have deranged men come in, break vending machines, break locked doors and destroy half the front end because...well I dont know what his problem was. Or the customers that think I'm some stupid girl that doesn't notice that $100 bill with the running ink on the back and that feels like paper is as fake as a $4 bill. "Oh, i've had that in my pocket like forever". Yea whatever, next time let the ink dry first, kthnx. Or the customer that's in the store for 10 minutes, made one quick sweep of the store literally throwing things in the buggy to the tune of about $600, and expect that check to go thru. MMmmmmmmkkk. Oh and you silly tilly, that's not a car battery, unless you are driving a lawn mower! Pay attention when you are trying to score with that stolen check/empty bank account. Do you not realize when you write checks we take the money out of the account right then like a debit card? It's called technology (and this company wanting all your money right away)
  


• Bill collectors. This one will be quick. When you called me yesterday, I didn't have the money. When you called last week I didn't have the money. When you called every week before that I didnt have the money. The bill earned a spot on my credit report over three years ago...cause I didn't have the money. If I had the money or was making the money, you wouldnt be blowing up my phone. I'll save you the trouble, unless I hit the numbers I wont have the money next week. The place I call Hell doesnt pay me enough to pay anything other than the bare necessities I have right now. Leave me alone.
  


• Lastly, there's family. Lord knows I'm the one person that cares TOO much for family. I've called my grandma everyday for like the last 20 years, and if she doesn't answer the phone, I'm dropping everything to go over there to see if something happened to her. When I have, I share. Sometimes family doesnt care if you are struggling. Certain people just want you to "hook them up" for free because they're family. I work the graveyard, you know I sleep during the day. When I dont answer the door or the phone.....I'M ASLEEP!!! Leave me the f*ck alone while i'm asleep. I'm not fixing that piece of shit computer that I told you two years ago needed some major upgrading/repairing. Would you like if I blew up your phone or busted on your door at 3am? What you are doing is the equivalent.
  


• Oh, and one more, programming. I just hate when my code doesnt work and it takes me forever to figure out I didnt close a tag or make a typo in a keyword. GRRRR!!!
  

You know what, I don't feel so annoyed anymore :-)

Say hello to Brutus

This is Brutus. Brutus is a moonlight gourami (sometimes called platinum gourami). He's a fish silver in color with these long whisker things. Brutus is mean. I also have a few other fish, one of which is a Bala Shark. Brutus thinks the whole 30 gallons of tank belongs to him and him only. He likes to chase the other fish sometimes and taunt them with his whiskers, but he loves to terrorize the shark. I don't know why. I was just so quite bored and thought I'd just sit and watch him. Imagine how aggressive he is during fish food time! Oh, and I really love how the profile states that a well planted tank is ideal for this fish. Ideal if he likes to attack all the plants. I love planted tanks, all but one plant he proceeded to pull up from the gravel and snack on grrr!! 

what am i doing wrong?

I swear I don't know how much more bad things I can take in my life. I've driven around town for the last three hours, even crying, trying to figure out what the hell i've done wrong in my life to have all this bad stuff happen to me. I've struggled for four long years, I've tried everything I can think of to get ahead, but it never lasts. I swear I've done everything I can do, but I'm still struggling, but some people simply don't care at all. They still want to make life so much more difficult than it already is and take what little money i am making from me. Just the thought of that devastates me, on top of all the other mental issues I've had to deal with, I'm almost at the point of just saying screw everything and be done with it. You don't know how tired I am of feeling it or having to think about it. I simply can't deal with this anymore

Happy Birthday to me!

Ugh, what's so happy about it. I feel so old, each year it feels worse. I started out by going bowling, so I really cant say I didnt do anything, now I'm home and a bit tipsy, all I had was a shared pitcher of beer heh.

My brother is doing a little bit better, but it's still a struggle (thanks for all the kind comments and emails from you all). It seems like the authorities are sort of blowing things off, he's been trying to call the detective lady for a week and cant seem to get ahold of her. They need to fix his police report but that isnt really important, or catching the bastards that may have permanently f*cked up his vision in his right eye. That just burns my ass!!!

I think I'll get some sleep to see what I can get into for the rest of my day

I'm so f*cking mad!!!

I get a call from my mother at 1am lastnite to tell me someone jumped (attacked) one of my younger brothers Thursday nite. He just got out of his car to go into a restaurant where some friends where, and someone came from behind and knocked him unconscious, took his wallet. I cried for half an hour after that. To think someone would basically leave him for dead. I havent seen him, but i'm told it's not a pretty picture, he's really f*cked up. I could go on a murder spree right now (don't worry, i'm not that stupid, i'm just angry as hell, it's the anger talking). He may have a rough looking exterior, but is liked by everyone and would seriously do anything for you. There's really some cruel people in this world, I seriously can't stand it!!! It's just this mental picture in my head I keep seeing, him lying on the ground, and for how long who knows. His next memory was being in the ambulance. Was someone waiting for him? Someone follow him? Was he even possibly set up? When people do things like this, they can never realize the pain they cause to so many people, this is eating me alive

San Fran hosts 'Masturbate-a-thon'

wtf?!?!

Ok, this is, ummm, disturbing.......or is it?

WTF?!?!?!?!

Ok, you have elderly people that are struggling to get medication (or food for that matter) but sex offenders are getting Viagra????? What the bloody hell is wrong with this system? And you wonder why people get out of jail and do the same crap that put them there in the first place. That's like giving a sniper a damn rifle. You might as well give names and addresses to all the innocent children for these assholes.

And then the headline to the story itself is States may deny the Viagra. WTF is there to decide? HELLLLLOOOOOO I mean, DAMN WTF?!?!?